Mistakes Were Made
by Morghen
Summary: Every time their hands touched by accident, every time their shoulders brushed in the halls, every time he said her name with his smooth voice… Who was she trying to fool? Only herself… THE LAST CHAPTER HAS BEEN ADDED!
1. Let's Get A Little Closer Now

_"Come on, take a step towards me_

_So you can figure me out_

_I've been hoping and praying for a single way_

_To show you what I'm all about."_

_-The Scene Aesthetic "Beauty in the Breakdown"_

* * *

"BLACK!" she screeched, her fists clenching with annoyance.

"What?" he asked, giving her his best innocent look as he removed his arm from around her slim waist.

Lily rolled her green eyes at him and answered, "I am trying to teach you Potions –this is not 'Let's make moves on Lily' time."

Sirius gave her a goofy smile that was infamous for melting hearts. "Lily, why don't _you _let _me _be the teacher?" He raised his eyebrows at her and then winked.

She punched his shoulder but a smile played on her lips afterwards. "Black, do you really need help with Potions?"

He shook his head, grinning wickedly. "Nope, I just wanted to talk to you."

"About?"

He shrugged his shoulders and looked around the empty classroom as he nodded his head. "Why don't you like me?"

Lily's cheeks turned a faint shade of pink as she suddenly became interested in the wooden floor. "I thought you were Potter's best friend…?"

"Yeah…" he said, slowly. He considered this for a moment and sighed. "You don't like him, though, right?"

"Well, he isn't as bad as he was before...but I'm still not really interested."

Sirius scooted his chair over, closer to Lily, and rested his head on his hand, causing his shaggy black hair to fall over his eyes. He bit his lip lightly as he stared at her porcelain face -he could definitely understand why his best friend was in love with her. She was beautiful and so, so bold –nothing like those giggly girls that he was use to –she was a real lady. "Then why don't you give me a chance?" he questioned her, using his best purr. "I've liked you longer than James has…"

Lily looked up at him, slightly startled at his words. He must have liked her quite a long time, considering the fact that they were in their sixth year –who knew if he was telling the truth, though. He was known for being, for lack of a better word, quite the dog. "You don't even know what it is like to like someone –you just use girls," she retorted, her tone a little bit harsher than she planned.

His expression faltered momentarily but he regained his composure in record time –he doubted that she even noticed how the harshness in her voice affected him. "I know that I like you 'cause you're different than those other girls… They used me just as much as I used them, anyways."

She thought about this last statement and could see the truth in it –all those girls wanted was the chance to say that Sirius had 'chosen' them. They never gave a damn about him so why should he give a damn about them? When she looked back up at him, her cheeks got warm as her emerald eyes met with his playful grey ones. "Black…"

He leaned in closer to her –not close enough to kiss but enough that she could feel his warm, sweet breath on her face. "Lily," he purred again, "why don't you use my first name?"

She tried to deny to herself that she felt anything other than friendship for Potter's best friend but with his close proximity and his breath on her face, she couldn't push away her feelings any longer. Every time their hands touched by accident, every time their shoulders brushed in the halls, every time he said her name with his smooth voice… Who was she trying to fool? Only herself…

Sirius slid a little bit closer to her once again –he reached out slowly and combed a hand through her lengthy, scarlet hair. He was mildly surprised when she didn't pull away but brought herself closer to him, their knees touching.

"Sirius…" she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. "I don't want to hurt Ja-, I mean, Potter…"

Their eyes locked and the last thing that Sirius wanted to think about was his friend right now. "James doesn't need to know…" A huge wave of guilt rose inside of his stomach but he pushed the feeling away as he shook his head slowly. He gradually leaned towards her, watching her every expression.

Lily closed her eyes and pushed her lips onto his.

* * *

**Song lyrics all belong to "Beauty in the Breakdown" by The Scene Aesthetic -they're amazing and I suggest you go check them out. But first, please leave a review.**

**I swear that I am a true Lily/James shipper, lol. I have been in such a Lily/Sirius mood lately, though.**

**This was done for XxRandomxX's iPod Shuffle challenge in HPFC. There will be about five chapters to this so keep an eye out.**

**Thanks Mew for being a siriusly super beta.  
**


	2. You Will Never Let This Go

_"Last night your taste was beautiful_

_But my tongue doesn't know the truth_

_'Cause when it's drown in poison chemicals, I see the better side of you_

_Our promise was that we would save ourselves before our mind lost all control_

_But then our clothes hit the floor_

_Now today you call and told me that it only hurts more."_

_-Chiodos, "Bulls Have Horns"_

_

* * *

_

"Urghhhh," he groaned, clutching his throbbing head as he tumbled out of bed. The firewhiskey had really taken a toll on him last night –oh, last night… What had happened? He racked his aching brain, trying to recall the previous night's memories which were cloudy thanks to the alcohol that he had consumed.

OH, MERLIN!

They had only gone into that empty classroom to talk –it was only supposed to be a talk about their relationship. They had decided that they really weren't going anywhere and all it was was a huge mess –a mistake on both of their parts that was bound to hurt one of them in the long run.

Sirius had cracked out a bottle of firewhiskey that he had nicked from Rosemerta –he could remember announcing a toast to a new, non-physical, friendship with Lily. They first drank one glass, then two, and then…six?

Next thing that he had known, their clothes were no longer on them and they lay, entwined, on the cold classroom floor. She was so very beautiful and he was just a guy –he hadn't been able to control himself. How different –how innocent- she had been compared to all of the other girls that he had been with…

He hit himself on the forehead, her innocence making total sense now that he was sober… She had never done that before... He had been her first…

"Awww, crap," he muttered under his breath. Last night, drunk or not, he had committed the ultimate betrayal towards James. He had stolen something that his friend had saved himself for…

"But you love her, too," he whispered to himself, under his breath.

He stumbled down the spiral staircase and into the Gryffindor common room. Everyone was at breakfast so he sighed to himself as he headed down.

* * *

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," jeered James, smiling widely up at him, patting the seat beside him.

Sirius forced a half-hearted smile to hide his remorse as he slid beside his best friend.

The raven-haired boy sniffed twice and then wrinkled his nose. "Padfoot, you smell like whiskey big time…"

"Yuh, rough night last night…"

James slapped Sirius on the back jokingly and laughed. "Hangovers are the worst, am I right?"

"Mhmmm," he replied, thinking to himself that a hangover was the least of his worries.

The other boy shook his head and returned to his eggs and toast. Sirius felt sick to his stomach as he watched everyone else eat –just the thought of food made him nauseas.

Sirius felt a light tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see Lily Evans standing behind him, looking quite uncomfortable. "Ermm, Black, we need to talk about Potions…," she told him, never once meeting his eyes.

He ran a hand through his black hair and rose from his seat. "See ya in a few, Prongs," he said, hoping that James wouldn't follow them.

James' mouth was stuffed with food so he just nodded his head in reply.

Lily led the way from the Great Hall and he walked behind her, his head held low the whole way. She opened a large door to a spare classroom and he followed her inside. She turned around and looked over at him, awkwardly. "Umm..."

He didn't get too close to her –he knew that she needed some space. "About last night…" he started, nervously meeting her gaze. "We were both smashed, Lily. I'm really sorry…" He bit his bottom lip as he waited for her to answer.

A tear ran from her forest green eyes and then came a flow of them. "I didn't want my first time to be like that… I didn't want to be sloshed out of my mind… I wanted to be married and, and happy." She put her back towards him and covered her face with her hands as she cried.

He stood uncomfortably, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. His first urge was to leave the room but he knew that was wrong –he, then, thought about comforting her but he didn't know if she wanted him any where near her. Sirius cleared his throat and asked quietly, "Is there anything I can do to you make you feel better? I really did not plan that –I swear to Merlin."

Between sobs he deciphered something that sounded like, "Just go away, Sirius."

"Lily, I'm truly sorry that it happened like that. We were going to be just friends but, you know, I don't want to just be your friend…. I –I –I've never really felt this way before," he stammered the last part. The words felt so heavy, so foreign, on his tongue.

"Don't say it just to make me feel better," she said, her voice thick.

"I'm not. I know that you're confused and upset now, but just remember that I'm here for you," he told her truthfully as he left the room and gave her the space that she needed to think things over.

* * *

**The song lyrics belong to "Bulls Have Horns" by Chiodos(or The Chiodos Bros.) I suggest you go and listen to it this very moment. **

**This is the second chapter for XxRandomxX's iPod Shuffle Challenge. Two down, three to go!**

**Thanks Mew for being a siriusly super sawesome(lol) sbeta! Hahaha.  
**


	3. With Truth On The Shores Of Compassion

_"One last kiss for you_  
_One more wish for you_  
_Please make up your mind girl…_  
_I'd do anything for you"_

_-Coheed and Cambria, "Welcome Home"_

* * *

He grimaced as he approached the table in the library where two fourth-year boys sat. They were in an animated conversation and hadn't noticed his appearance until he rapped his fingers on the top of the dark wooden table. "Ermm… Reg, I kinda need to talk to you." It wasn't that he didn't like his younger brother -it was just that things between them were strained ever since he had moved out of Grimmauld Place. They rarely spoke to each other but he knew that Regulus would be there any time that he needed him -this was one of those times.

The younger Black brother glanced up at him, looking quite surprised at seeing Sirius. "Right now?" he asked. The sharp edge to his voice had not yet faded away -he was still bitter about being left behind.

Grey on grey, Sirius didn't look away from his brother's eyes, which were almost identical to his, as he nodded -he hoped that Regulus would pick up on how desperate he was to talk.

"I'll catch up with you later, Aleron," he told the blond as he rose from his chair and followed his elder brother out of the castle.

* * *

Sirius took a seat on a large rock beside the lake and looked over at his brother, who was doing the same. "Okay," he started, "this is really important but you can't mention it to anyone."

"Go on," ordered the other younger brother as he nodded his head.

Sirius sighed and tossed a small stone back and forth between his hands as he wondered how he should put this. "Umm, so you know how James is crazy for Lily, right?"

Regulus merely nodded his head, urging him to continue.

"Well, I'm not sure if you realized this but, ermm, I… well… I kinda liked her before he started to…"

He chuckled knowingly. "No surprise to me… I'm not stupid, you know? I've seen the way you look at her and I've heard the way you talk about her. Merlin, I've thought that since the first letter that you sent me from Hogwarts."

Sirius shot his brother a dirty look and said, "Oh, shut up. Anyways, I was…uhhh… Lily and I recently were kind of seeing each other secretly."

"So?"

"Didn't I tell you to shut up? I wasn't finished. Well, about two months ago, we had decided to stop seeing each other and just be friends. It was all good and stuff until I decided to bring out some firewhiskey and well… You get the idea…"

Regulus' slate eyes widened and he raised his eyebrows. "You shagged Lily Evans?" he asked, shocked.

Sirius threw the stone at him, hitting him in the arm. "Don't friggin' announce it! Didn't you hear the 'secret' part, you git? Now, the reason why I'm telling you this is because I don't know what to do! She won't talk to me and well, I really like her. To top it all off, she's talking to James more and more everyday…" He looked at his brother, pleadingly.

Regulus rubbed his arm tenderly as he grinned. "Well, first thing's first, great score!" When Sirius sent him a threatening look he just stuck out his tongue. "Have you tried to talk to her? I mean, that's the only way you'll find out where she stands on this whole mess. About James, I have no clue…"

Sirius groaned and replied, "I guess I should talk to her… Thanks, Reggie." He patted his kid brother on the head as he left to search for that redhead.

* * *

"No, Evans, this cannot wait," he stated, getting more annoyed and hurt by the minute. Why couldn't she just talk to him?

She huffed and got up from the cool grass where she had been laying with Alice. "Make it quick," she spat out as she trailed behind him.

When they finally reached an empty classroom, he turned around and faced her -his heart pounding in his chest as his eyes fell on her. "Why haven't you said anything to me, Lily? I apologized about what happened -it was nothing that I planned, I swear."

He watched as she wrung her small hands together, trying to think of the right thing to say. "It just isn't going to work, Sirius… I -I can't trust you…"

His forehead wrinkled as he tried to comprehend what she had meant by those words. "Lily, what have I ever done to make you think that?" he questioned, his voice wavering. Dammit, why did he care so much?

"You're joking, right?" she retorted, her voice taking on a harsh tone. "How in hell could I possibly be able to trust you when you have girlfriends coming and going like crazy? I don't want to be set up just so you can watch me fall."

"I have not flirted or whatever with a single girl since I've been with you, even though our relationship was secret! For the two months that you haven't said a word to me, I refused every damn girl that flung herself at me -I guess that you can't say the same, though…."

Lily pursed her lips and asked, "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, I dunno, I'm pretty sure you've been all giggly towards James."

"You are one huge prat, you know? I was talking to him because I was being nice." Her face turned a furious shade of red as she spoke.

"Oh, whatever. You think you're Miss Perfect, dontcha?" he shot back, trying to cover up his hurt.

"No, well… not any more…," she said, biting her lip.

All the anger that he had felt suddenly disappeared at these words -he knew what she meant. Going out on a limb, he slowly took a few steps towards her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder -he was quite surprised that she didn't pull away. "I'm sorry, Lily -that wasn't what I meant. I really wished that it hadn't happened like that -I need to you understand that."

Lily didn't say anything back -she just looked up at him, a few tears running from her brilliant green eyes.

Sirius leaned forward and kissed away the tears, one-by-one; his last kiss was lightly placed on her lips. He wrapped his arms carefully around her waist, giving her the option to pull away -when she didn't, he brought her into a tight embrace. "You're still perfect, Lily," he whispered into her ear as he inhaled the sweet smell of her scarlet hair. "I know it is hard but don't worry about it… You are no less perfect, or smart, or anything -you, I mean, we just made a bad decision."

She murmured into his blue tee-shirt, "I'm sorry."

Kissing the top of her head, he asked, "About what? There's nothing for you to be sorry about, Lily."

She slowly shook her head and sniffed. "I'm sorry for the way I treated you -I was blaming you for what happened and it was wrong of me to do that."

Sirius swayed side to side easily and told her, "It's okay -I understand…" He moved one of his hands from her waist and tilted her chin up, kissing her gently. When he pulled away, she placed a hand on the back of his head and brought him towards her, kissing him strongly, a lot deeper than the previous one. Once they broke apart, he leaned towards her ear and whispered, "I think I'm really falling for you hard, Lily."

* * *

**The lyrics at the beginning belong to Coheed and Cambria and are from the song Welcome Home. It's a great song so go listen to it while you're reviewing, lol!**

**Correction from the last chapter, there will be six chapters and not five! Yay, right?**

**:D**

**Thanks Mew for being (b)a (b)siriusly (b)great beta! Hahaha, w00t for fake alliterations! **


	4. It Breaks My Heart To See You Smile

_"Be honest, I'd really like to_  
_But I know that it would hurt you and I can't_  
_Be honest, I'd really like to_  
_But I know and I can't"_

_-Audience Of One, "Saosin"_

"Sirius," she murmured sweetly as she leaned her head up against his toned chest.

"Mhm?" he said, wrapping his arms around her middle and pulling her closer to him. He had to savor each and every second that they were together since their time together was never long. Tonight, they had both snuck out of the common room and met each other in the Astronomy Tower.

Lily placed both of her hands over his and sighed contently. "I was thinking…"

He leaned forward and placed light kisses up her neck, stopping at her jaw line. "About what?" he questioned, his lips brushing against her skin as he spoke.

"Well, about going public," she replied hesitantly, rubbing the backs of his hands.

Sirius froze at her suggestion; the happiness that he had been feeling quickly drained. "No," he told her simply.

"Why?" Lily asked, moving off his lap and taking a seat beside him so she could see his face.

His grey eyes narrowed at her question and he ran a hand through his black hair. "You know why," he replied shortly. He really did not want to discuss this right now; he didn't see it turning out very well.

"But it would be so much better if we did," she told him, trying to convince him.

"Better for who?" Sirius scoffed, thinking about James.

"Better for us," she said, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it gently.

"I would love to, Lily, I really would, but it would kill James…," he said. Their four month long relationship was very difficult for both of them, but mostly for Sirius. He wanted to be with Lily but he also did not want to loose James as a friend; he couldn't do both and he knew it.

"Are you saying that Potter is more important than me?" she asked, her tone bitter.

Sirius sighed. It was hard for him to explain, but he knew that if they were openly in a relationship, it would hurt more than just James. "Listen, I know that you probably won't agree with this but I think that if you saw how hurt James would be if he heard about us, it would affect you more than you think. He really loves you, Lily -I think that it would hurt you to see how broken he would be. I cannot do that to him or to you…," he told her, hoping that she would understand what he was saying.

"Don't you love me? Wouldn't it be worth it…?"

Those words were normally just four simple words but in this context, they were woven together and made a sentence that was so meaningful, so strong -it caught Sirius off guard. Did he love Lily? He knew that he had never quite felt this way before but he was hesitant to call it love. He liked her, he really liked her a lot… It just seemed like there was something separating how he felt from how love would feel. That something was in the form of his best friend, the first person to overlook the mark that his last name had given to him -James.

Lily raised her scarlet eyebrows when he did not respond to her question. "Sirius, I love you. Don't you feel the same way?" she asked, her voice wavered.

He turned to face her and took her delicate hands into his. Taking a deep breath, he forced the words from his mouth. "I'm not sure…" With just one glance at her face, he could tell the way his words affected her and he hated himself for it. It was the truth, though -he was not sure…

A few tears dribbled down her freckled cheeks as she looked up at him. "How can't you know? I -I had thought that you felt the same way…"

Sirius let go of one her hands and used his thumb to wipe away her tears. After they were all gone, he cupped her cheek in his hand tenderly. "I know that I've never liked a girl the same way that I like you… But, James-"

Shaking her head slowly, she cut him off, "This is not about Potter. This is about you and me, Sirius. I can't keep sneaking around like this. I want to be able to sit with you, talk to you, and cuddle with you when I want to and not just when we're alone in an empty classroom or a tower. We will never be able to last this way."

Sirius nodded his head somberly; he knew as well that they'd never make it this way.

"So you have a decision to make: go public and risk losing Potter or end this relationship."

* * *

**The lyrics above belong to the band "Audience of One." You should, yet again, go check them out while you leave a review! Just so you know, this is Anthony Green's song "Saosin," he was also in a band called "Saosin."  
**

**Aren't cliffhangers great? *Evil cackle***

**I wanted to add that the titles to the chapters do not really have anything to do with the story. They are just different lines from the same song.  
**

**Thanks Mew for betaing(it is too late for me to think of another fake alliteration, lolz.) Can I haz Anthony Green? Please! I needz him.**

**:D  
**


	5. I'm Not Half As Bad As I Thought

"_But I know now _

_There's that one person _

_Everyone has _

_That messed them up _

_And they're still thinking about them"_

_-Zolof the Rock and Roll Destroyers _"_There's That One Person You Will Never Get Over No Matter How Long It's Been"

* * *

_

He didn't regret his decision. Well, maybe he did a little bit at first but not now.

Sirius had not been able to ruin his friendship with James so he had left Lily. It had been one of the hardest things that he had ever had to do but he knew it had been the right choice. There had been a lot of screaming and crying in the Astronomy Tower that night, almost a year ago now.

"_Lily," he said hesitantly, "I can't do this, then." The lump in his throat made it hard for him to speak so his words were strained._

_The redhead took a step backwards, shaking her head slowly. "Don't say that," she said quietly, her voice trembling. Her emerald eyes started to fill up with tears._

_Sirius nodded his head up and down, trying to reassure himself with his choice. "It's over," he choked out as he felt his face getting warm._

"_You don't mean that," Lily whispered as tears freely streamed down her smooth cheeks. She looked at him as if she couldn't and wouldn't believe what she was hearing._

_He felt his heart clench at the sight of her but he knew what he had to do. He closed his eyes and forced out the words, "I mean it."_

_Just as he opened his grey eyes, she dropped to her knees on the cold stone floor and buried her tear-stained face in her hands._

_Sirius winced as his heart felt like a dagger had just been run through it. He took a step forward and kneeled down beside Lily. He wrapped an arm around her to try and comfort her. Sure, he had broken up with handfuls of girls but never before had he lov- really cared about one of them. "It will be okay, Lils," he told her, trying to sound soothing but instead he sounded hoarse._

"_DON'T TOUCH ME!" she screamed at him, hitting his chest with her small, curled fists. "DON'T EVEN GET NEAR ME!"_

_He scrambled quickly to his feet to get away from her painful blows. "I was just trying to be nice," he mumbled once he was a safe distance away from her._

_Lily rose to her feet, her knees trembling. She shot him a look that was somewhere between death glare and a heartbroken puppy look. Pointing a finger at him, she yelled, "YOU ARE JUST A SPINELESS BASTARD, SIRIUS! YOU'RE ALL GOOD TO SEE ME BEHIND POTTER'S BACK BUT YOU'RE TOO MUCH OF A PANSY TO TELL HIM TO HIS FACE THAT WE AR- WERE TOGETHER!"_

_Sirius felt his cheeks get wet from the trickle of tears that had started to drip down his face. "You don't understand," he murmured, not meeting her piercing eyes._

"_DON'T FUCKING TELL ME THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Lily bellowed, shaking with anger. "I FUCKING GAVE UP A LOT FOR YOU! I EVEN TOLD YOU THAT I LOVED YOU AND ALL YOU COULD DO WAS BREAK UP WITH ME? YOU'RE JUST A SPINELESS GIT!" _

_He just stood there, awkwardly, listening to her harsh words. He took in a deep breath and tried to relax a little before he started to talk - he did not really want to yell at her. "What did you want me to do, Lily? What was I suppose to do? I live with James - without him, I'd be stuck at my parents' house listening to how I let them all down because I didn't become a Death Eater. Would you like to wake up every morning knowing that you're going to have anti-Muggleborn views shoved down your throat every single second of the day? Would you like to be mentally and physically abused by your parents? Would you like to watch your kid brother change into a murderer right before your eyes and know that there is not one damn thing that you can do about it? WOULD YOU? IF I GET KICKED OUT OF JAMES' HOUSE THAT IS WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH!" He hated himself for loosing control and yelling at her but didn't she see what was at stake here? Sirius covered his face with one of his hands to try and calm down as he waited for her next round of screams._

_But the yelling never came. Instead, all that Lily said to him was, "I didn't realize that…"_

_Sirius shrugged his shoulders - he wasn't one to go around crying about his home problems so he wasn't surprised that she didn't know about it. "Lily?" he said, quietly, making up his mind._

"_Yes?"_

"_I love you - at least, I think I do. But you understand now why it won't work, right?"_

_She nodded her head and, after giving him one last look, she left him alone in the tower._

Yes, it was true, he had loved Lily. He had only realized at the same moment that he had broken up with her.

He watched her move on to, not to his surprise, James. He had always had a feeling that they would be together in the end. They were a perfect couple, really.

Sirius wasn't going to lie, he knew that he would never feel quite the same about anyone else. Lily had been his first real love. She had brought out the best in him and it was with only her that he had ever been one hundred percent committed to a relationship.

He was happy for James, though - he truly was. But sometimes, when he saw them together, he wondered what would have happened if he had never let Lily go…

* * *

**Okay, okay, I know this is not how a lot of people wanted this to end but I put a lot of thought into it and this is what I came up with. I almost had Sirius stay with Lily but then, yesterday, I heard that song that I took the lyrics from and I decided to write this. **

**Okay, so the song lyrics belong to Zolof the Rock and Roll Destroyer. Anthony Green was once a part of that band and this is one of his songs from when he was in it. Gooo listen to it!**

**:D**

**I want to thank everyone for reading this story all the way through and for leaving all those reviews! This is the first multi-chapter fic that I've ever finished and I'm pretty damn happy with it.**

**Thanks mew for being a siriusly awesome beta! I'll consider your suggestion but, in the mean time, go huggle Sirius!  
**


End file.
